Blonde

Hey guys!
Blonde certainly was among the most talked about films in 2022. After seeing the trailer I already had my doubts that this would be good, but naturally, I couldn’t resist and just had to check it out!

The Plot (according to Rotten Tomatoes):

Based on the bestselling novel by Joyce Carol Oates, Blonde boldly reimagines the life of one of Hollywood’s most enduring icons, Marilyn Monroe. From her volatile childhood as Norma Jeane, through her rise to stardom and romantic entanglements, Blonde blurs the lines of fact and fiction to explore the widening split between her public and private selves.

The Rating:

What on earth was this movie?
Bad. That’s what it was. I rarely say this but honestly, don’t waste your time. There’s pretty much nothing good I have to say about Blonde.

Let’s start with Ana de Armas. She’s a wonderful actress and she really nailed the Marilyn look but her accent just was not it. I don’t care how long she might have spent working on it but you can simply tell that she’s not getting it right. In fact, it’s not even that she’s a little off. There are many instances in the movie where you can clearly hear Ana de Armas’ Cuban accent and I think we can all agree that that’s not what Marilyn sounded like. That already annoyed me to no end but it’s only a small part of what ruined this film for me.

While I might have been able to tolerate the accent to some degree, what I can’t overlook is the more than terrible writing. This movie is nothing but misery porn. It paints Marilyn Monroe as nothing but a series of tragedies, there’s pretty much no moment of happiness in the film. While I could accept it if they were trying to make an accurate depiction of her life and it really was this tragic, so many parts of it feel weird and oddly exaggerated if not fabricated. Maybe they are being faithful to what actually transpired, I have no way of knowing that. But if that is the case they sure did a shit job.

Throughout the film you get the clear impression that Marilyn struggled with never being perceived as who she is and then this movie sweeps in and instead of giving her more agency, somehow we only ever keep witnessing her through others or in relation to them. Even in a film titled Blonde, a film about Marilyn herself, she feels more like a plot device and object to connect other people the movie wants to feature than a real person, the one we should be focusing on here. It becomes quite evident when it comes to how she struggled with being perceived as a sex symbol. I’m sure this is an integral part of telling her story. Then somebody please tell me why on earth we get close-up shots of her naked breasts approximately every ten minutes. Not once or twice throughout the movie, but constantly. For no reason whatsoever. Literally, there is no explanation I could come up with as to why she had to be naked in all those scenes. Was it to show that struggle? Her vulnerability? Again, if that was the case, this movie that a shit job of conveying that. It just feels voyeuristic and unnecessary and annoying. Especially as it’s a contrast to what Marilyn is talking about in several instances.

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Enola Holmes 2

Hello, hello!
Today I’m back with the review for a movie that I had very much been looking forward to. So, let’s talk about Enola Holmes 2!
(By the way, if you haven’t read that yet, I wrote a book vs. movie post for the first film when it was released)

The Plot (according to Rotten Tomatoes):

Fresh off the triumph of solving her first case, Enola Holmes (Millie Bobby Brown) follows in the footsteps of her famous brother, Sherlock (Henry Cavill), and opens her own agency — only to find that life as a female detective-for-hire isn’t as easy as it seems. Resigned to accepting the cold realities of adulthood, she is about to close shop when a penniless matchstick girl offers Enola her first official job: to find her missing sister. But this case proves to be far more puzzling than expected, as Enola is thrown into a dangerous new world — from London’s sinister factories and colorful music halls, to the highest echelons of society and 221B Baker Street itself. As the sparks of a deadly conspiracy ignite, Enola must call upon the help of friends — and Sherlock himself — to unravel her mystery. The game, it seems, has found its feet again!

The Rating:

Oh, I was so excited about Enola Holmes 2 finally coming out. I tremendously enjoyed the first part, the second one just had to be great as well, right?

I’m very happy to say that they didn’t disappoint. Interestingly, this film is not based on any of the Enola Holmes books but rather rooted in reality. The story is inspired by real-life events involving the match girls’ strike. To be honest, I hadn’t heard about that before, but the movie sure sent me down a Wikipedia rabbit hole. The translation to the movie screen was done in a captivating way, featuring some cool twists. They sure tried to keep you on your toes.

I really enjoyed that in this film we got to see Sherlock and Enola interacting with each other. That was barely the case in the first movie, but it comes together so nicely here. After all, they are siblings and are both interested in the same things. I appreciate that it wasn’t done in a patronizing way. Enola can very much hold her own, but it doesn’t hurt to get help sometimes. I think they found a nice balance between her being badass but at the same time simply acknowledging that she is a) very young and b) a woman. As we can tell, both of those features were certainly not helpful in the time the movie is set in.

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The Gray Man

Hello, my darling readers!
I’m still catching up on my backlog of movie reviews, so today we’re going to talk about a Netflix action flick that seemed to be everywhere for a while: The Gray Man.

The Plot (according to Rotten Tomatoes):

When the CIA’s most skilled mercenary–whose true identity is known to none–accidentally uncovers dark agency secrets, a psychopathic former colleague puts a bounty on his head, setting off a global manhunt by international assassins.

The Rating:

I haven’t watched a proper action flick in some time, so when Gray Man dropped on Netflix it was quite welcome for me.

Let me preface this by saying that if you are looking for your basic bitch action flick where you can just switch off your brain while watching it and enjoy the explosions, this is the film for you! It certainly ticks all the boxes of things you could expect from an action movie.

However, there are a few things I have to criticize. You’ll notice all of the points I’m gonna raise if you expect even 1% more from the film than what I laid out before.

First and foremost, I must ask: what the everloving fuck was this editing and the camera work? There were so many fast cuts going with the camera twisting and turning to a degree where it almost became painful to watch. I was actually paying attention to the film, but it became extremely difficult to situate yourself in the scene, and figure out where we are, where we are going! This was the editing/filming equivalent of blinking lights that might induce an epileptic seizure.

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Arcane: Season 1 – A Review

Hey guys!
Today I want to talk about a show I got recommended left and right. And for good reason! Let’s take a look at Arcane.

The Plot (as found on Rotten Tomatoes):

The origins of two iconic League champions, set in the utopian Piltover and the oppressed underground of Zaun.

The Rating:

Let me preface this by saying I know exactly nothing about League of Legends, so essentially, I went into this completely blind. I know that the story is not the one of the game but the characters are drawn from there. I watched Arcane with somebody who is familiar with the game, so those nuances were pointed out to me. But even if that hadn’t been the case, I would have tremendously enjoyed the show. You can watch this completely independent from the game and have the best of times with Arcane.

First of all, how dare they? How freaking dare they make a show this brilliant that made me feel all the feels? Who gave them the right?!
Knowing that this is a video game show, I honestly didn’t have my expectations set too highly and ended up completely blown away.

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Clark – A Review

Hello, my lovely readers!
Today I bring you a show that was recommended to me by some Swedish friends. In fact, it is a Swedish Netflix production about a rather famous Swedish guy, who’s name you might never have heard before…

The Plot (as found on Rotten Tomatoes):

The story of Clark Olofsson, the man behind Stockholm syndrome, who fooled all of Sweden to love him despite his crimes.

The Rating:

This show was nuts, absolutely crazy as fuck. It looks like just about all the drugs were involved while making it. Somehow it goes through just about all the genres and it works?!

Clark features a main character who is fascinating, infuriating, irritating. He is a narcissistic asshole. And Bill Skarsgard plays him to perfection. His acting is brilliant in this show. As a little side note: I watched the show in the original Swedish version with subtitles because I was told that the English dub is not the best. So, I can’t speak to the English version but it was super cool to see Skarsgard do something in Swedish for a change.

One of the main reasons Clark is so irritating is because this man got away with so much. Yes, he ended up in jail, but if you watched the show you know just how much shit he pulled over the course of his life. It’s not just the illegal stuff, but also his relationship with women. Honestly, all those need to make better decisions. Lol

Obviously, parts of the show are exaggerated, dramatized to be entertaining, but behind all of this is the story of a very real human being. And reading up on his story a bit more, fewer things that you might think are made up!

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Midnight Mass

Hey guys!
I was pretty excited when Midnight Mass was released on Netflix. What better time to finally check it out and review it than spooky season? Let’s get down to it!

The Plot (according to RT):

The arrival of a charismatic priest brings miracles, mysteries, and renewed religious fervor to a dying town.

The Rating:

I went into this film completely blind with absolutely no idea what it was about. I didn’t even watch the trailer. But several people told me how good the show was and, not gonna lie, the image on Netflix and the title had me intrigued. Sure, I had some theories about what this might be just based on the title but the show turned out quite different than I had imagined.

Literally, the very first scene of the show was something I had not seen coming. I was extremely surprised but it was already a good indication for one thing this series continually did: make you think. What I liked best about Midnight Mass is definitely that it provides so much food for thought.

I will be discussing some details after the *read more*, so beware of spoilers. Let me just say that I really enjoyed the show and would recommend it. So, let’s get down and dirty and talk details!

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